The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
