grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
...so i touched it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
