If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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