there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
