yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
