hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk is not a location!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
