man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
