she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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