If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
