my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
