last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
