We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
