DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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