Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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