Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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