I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize