There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
