Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
