I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
