He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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