the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
