Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize