i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
