i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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