So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
