You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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