Got a toothbrush?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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