you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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