New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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