is your mom at the bar?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
