I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
