Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
