Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
