Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its not stalking. its research.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
