my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize