But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
