New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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