I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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