We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
