I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
