Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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