Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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