we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize