Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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