i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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