i may or may not be watching the land before time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drake has all the answers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
