ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
