I can text with my tongue
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
