so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
