Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
