listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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