actually, I'm a sock model
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
