I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize