Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
