Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize