It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
did you just send me my own nude
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
