you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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