I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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