She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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