I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
