can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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