You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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