he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
