it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
