I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
