i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
