I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
