Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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