I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
