I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
