so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
