Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
