You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
