Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
